If I had It to Do again

It's December 31st,2011. I sit in conflict between the hockey game and my favourite music on Seaside FM. A quieter evening by choice since last night was a rip roaring time with my family.
I know that New year's Eve is lonely for some,especially those who are adjusting to loss in the past year. .... finances, health,relationships,on a big or small scale...it's a big deal emotionally when it's personal or affecting a loved one.
The past can be a haunting ghost. "Should have,would have,could have" are  voices of torment. I have yet to meet someone without such regret.
It's hard to reflect without getting self critical. But if I had 2011 to do again, I would spend less time in my head,as if expecting to reduce life to a clear road ahead or formula for health,happiness,wealth or perfection.
I love to learn but the more I learn,the less I know.Life is a puzzle and a mystery at times. I will never understand everything in my past ,although i like to have a plan,I am reminded daily that planning for an unknown future is no substitute for the reality that I have no clue about what the future holds.A dear friend of mine loves to say,"I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds the future."
I would spend less time worrying about it.
I would spend less time trying to be rational and I would spend less time trying to gain
 approval from others .
I would be open to the unexpected.I would welcome it as a reminder that making a plan is not the same as running the show or being in control.I would do without my tendency to look upon the element of surprise as a potential enemy.
I would do more for fun,without having to justify everything as useful.
I would not take myself so seriously.I would not be so preoccupied with what next ?Instead I would ask what now?
Speaking of now,I would cherish now just as it is,just as I am,I would open my eyes in the morning and thank God that everything works,even if it creaks a bit.
Now,I realize that it's over. The year 2011 is over,and it was better than the year before.I realize that i have another chance. It's called 2012. You have it too no matter what you have faced in the past year.
You and I have another chance ...to enjoy life and honour the life we've been given.Happy New Year !